My jokes

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.

My life.

There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.

The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

"Know, know how there."

"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"

Suck on my big fat ding dong, you idiot!

My cousin really loves baseball.

He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

Orphan: Favorite song?

My name:

I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.