My Jokes

I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet

One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '

Whats the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"

Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: *gets the noose*

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

Man: whats up? Me: im annoyed Man: Why? Me: I stole my gf's heart Man: So why are you annoyed? Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

Me:if the skinny person goes skinny dipping then what do fat people do?

my friend: Chunky dunks

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me repeating a year. Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you? ----- Then there is me: My life.

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head

A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

All my jokes are cys for help

INCLUDING THIS ONE

Me telling my parents im depressed: my parents, " no, ur just a little stressed and want attention, am i right?" My depression worsoning, me: " ya ur totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....