My jokes
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Memes
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?!"
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.