My jokes

For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.

Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!

My friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Me: No.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because you are a joke.

Friend: Your life is too...

Me: :)

Friends :)

Q: What did the Jewish person say when he beat me in a race?

A: Eat my dust.

Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

My mum.

Hey guess what...

What...

My penis is big.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

My friend, what's up?

Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Leaf. “Leaf” who? Leaf my house, or else you will regret it. You don’t live here, you dumb idiot! ?!