My Jokes

What's the difference between a pile of babys and a Porsche??

I don't have a Porsche in my garage

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any ideea how much I hate playing monopoly with my dad.

People joke about 9/11, but its not funny My dad died in 9/11

Best pilot in Saudia Arabia

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room, then my T.V. started to float out the window. I said "drop it nig-"

My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.

-JFK

I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

what's black and red and is a liquid? my scars!

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "this lemonade tastes like bleach..."

one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."