My jokes
I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.
That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
Leave a like if you LOL at this joke!
sorry my name is like this but its true
"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
"Racccccccccccccccccccccoccoooocoooocoooooooooooocoooooo this is my song."
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
Recently my baby did this:
🖕🏼👶🏼🖕🏼 🎽 👖
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
Where’s the English Channel?
Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”
My dad hits me :(
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.