My jokes

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.

Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ach.

Ach who?

Bless you!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Roblox jokes be like: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I should create a game.

*Creates game* bruh my game got to thousand hundred 700,000 likes!

😄😄😄

Once Roblox popped up in my server, be like, "Roblox, what are you doing?"

Me: "What the heck?" Me: "How did I get in your server?"

Roblox: "You've been banned for just cheating!"

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?

What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.