My jokes
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. They got plane.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's nonexistent hairline, even though Josh has massive ears and his face looks like a monkey's... if they were white.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.