My jokes

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?

In an explosion.

My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...

It's too hard.

Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?

Palpatine: Renew it!

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?

Palpatine: Stew it.

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...

I have a penis.

How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.

500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.