My jokes
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
You're the sriracha to my hoisin sauce.
And together, we are pho-ever.
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Who deleted my stuff??? Woooow, you racist just because I'm Hispanic?
Suck my dick!
(Ron Jeremy)
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...
But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Haha, yeet my fuckin' meat!
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."