Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.
My Jokes
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
The number 13? Not on my watch!
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"
The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"
Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
My life, haha, so funny!
Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.
