My jokes

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

What would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

Don't touch my bot.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Penis enters my dad and sister.

My dad left me.

My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.

Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.