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My jokes

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

"Today was the worst day ever." "Why?" Because my ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"

I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

Hi guys! Ello here! So I am determined to get as many people as possible to like my jokes and comment. So, without further ado, here goes nothing!

So I have been looking at all your jokes, and UHHHHHH has not been the nicest. I don't really love the words she is choosing, but I'm not going to let her get in my head. :)

So guys make sure that you like and comment! Love y'all!!!!! :D