My jokes

Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

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    • What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

    "Put it in my bill."

    Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

    A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

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    • Prince, please talk to me for real...

    Let's sort this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Please, please answer me. I need an answer!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW, Princess, my name is Gwen, and I am not a faker!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

    Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

    (Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

    So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

    I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

    Dear Kenya, love of life,

    Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!

    Love you a million times more!

    Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

    So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

    What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

    "Could you move? Your sun is in my son."

    Gwen, if you're reading this, the link I sent is for you and your boyfriend to chat and stuff. No one shall bother you! Pinky pinky!

    Btw, do you know how I am cause if do then I am related to Kenya and my name starts with T? Don't worry, just chat with your boyfriend.

    My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

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    • Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

    Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.