I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
My Jokes
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.
Thank you, nurse!
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and I feel better.
Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister and feel better.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.
What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and feel better.
Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.
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