My jokes

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"

You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.

I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

"Why is my name Rose?"

"A rose fell on your head when you were born."

"Why is my name Daisy?"

"A daisy fell on your head when you were born."

"Bedrock is better than Java!"

"Oh, hi Brick!"

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

Hi guys! Ello here! So I am determined to get as many people as possible to like my jokes and comment. So, without further ado, here goes nothing!

So I have been looking at all your jokes, and UHHHHHH has not been the nicest. I don't really love the words she is choosing, but I'm not going to let her get in my head. :)

So guys make sure that you like and comment! Love y'all!!!!! :D

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

I heard World War 50000000 in my parent's room.

I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.