My jokes

I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.

It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?

"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"

My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.

I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.

Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.

Feminists should STFU and suck my dick!

The legs are soft and delicious.

How much can you earn in Selkan Toko Na Sinsel? Njpopularnijssa bronia jost. My grandma was already eto nasaba of the other sachan without me. Then you will be satisfied.

I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.

The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"

Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...

I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"

Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."

My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.

He said it was a Shitzoo!

I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.

I woke up in my bed today.

I had an Alzheimer's joke, but something's fogging up my mind.

I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."

Roses are tree.

I shoved a battery up my butt.

Loona from Helluva Boss is a retarded mutt.

I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.

What makes my life so unfair?

You invading it for no apparent reason.