My jokes

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.

If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

What did the rapper say to the computer?

“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”

Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

Why was Sonic fast?

To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was such a good pilot.