Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.
My Jokes
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
I wish I was dead like my jokes.
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
Yesterday I went to a party at my friend’s house. Everyone was dressed as birthday candles. It was a blowout.
I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"
