My Jokes

Why did my foot cross the road?

Because your ass was on the other side.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

My depression is depressed.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

For my birthday on Sept. 11 this year, I just want a plane chocolate cake.

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.

Can someone be my daddy?

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.