Murder Jokes

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?” Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

imagine a white van. now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombre on and his arm out the window and on the side of the van it says free candy. but there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back

Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common? A. They never get old.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Have a pregnant lady murders someone does the child get an assist

There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is brain, the brother's name is nobody and the sister's name is everybody. One day, nobody killed everybody and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, ''NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!'' ''Sir, are you okay?'' The police asked. ''I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!'' The father yelled even louder. ''Are you mad?'' The police asked. ''Yes because my name is Mad!'' The father exclaimed. ''Where's your brain?'' Asked the police. ''At home because my wife name is Brain.'' The father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

An old man and a child are walking into the woods, suddenly they stop "Mister," the child says, "I'm scared l, these woods are dark and creepy..." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

why would and orphan kill his family, because they weren't there

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet? At least when a bullet kills someone it’s actually fired

ya make 10 paintings, you arent an artist ya make 20 meals, you arent a chef but when i kill ONE PERSON, im a "horrible person" and a "menace to society"

if being sexy were a crime you better lock me up. not because I'm sexy but because I have 5 dead children in my basement

I had sex with twins, well I think it was twins all my rage victims look alike

These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over? a corpse of course!

RAPE 9/11 ABORTION ORPHAN MURDER DEAD KILL DRUGS what makes all these categories so familiar? either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.

the last thing that went through abe licolins head was a bullet

Today I Vance a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!