Murder jokes

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

What's a knife's favorite person?

The victim.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.

Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?

He's Dahmer's son @domink.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

How did the lesbian die? Homicide.

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?

A. They never get old.

What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?

One won't scream when you remove their meat.

Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”

Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”