Murder jokes
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
Abortion isn't murder.
It's backspacing a typo.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?