Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
