Murder jokes
My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.
Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*
Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
As with Sonic The Hedgehog
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
Abortion isn't murder.
It's backspacing a typo.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
Am I funny now? Because this is what you brainlets find funny.
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
At night I became a mattress murderer.
Please don't kill [me].
11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.
11:45 - Realized watch was broken.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.