Move jokes

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Home Alone.

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

Your hairline was playing Sorry!

Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.

You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!

Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?

A: His lips move.

Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

What goes up and down and does not move?

Stairs.

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

Your hair line is curved like a moving train.

What is a Mexican's favorite move in a video game?

Wall jumping.

The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?