Move Jokes

Anonymous

Someone threatened to break into my house but I am in a wheelchair, I said sure and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Anonymous
in Monkey

What is a monkey’s 🐒 favorite dance move?

The banana 🍌 split.

Anonymous kid
in Orphan

What is and orphans favorite move

Home Alone

Ethan

How do you punish Helen keler just move the couch

Shaded
in Vegetable

What's big round and can't move?

A vegetable

Stephanie
in Make

What goes up and down and does not move? Stairs

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew tumed up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5.year.old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. 'mey chatted with her, let her slt with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little lobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a poy envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $1 0 'pay ' to the bank the next day to start a savings account When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally Impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'l worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh, my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'l will, it those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the tucking sheet rock '

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

Anonymous

What is always moving but we never see it walk? TIME HAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous
in Puns

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

Anonymous
in Cow

What do you call a cow in a moving van

A: a mooving cow

Aubrey

Yo mama is so slow when she stepped on the HI way they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic

Mr.B
in Puns

Some moving men had just begun their days work. The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch. The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

G. Brooks

How am I an ableist? My ex girlfriend was in a wheelchair and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to 8th floor.

Anus McDickNuggets
in Man

Whoever said men will fuck anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

SillySod
in Putin

Q. How do you know when Putin is lying ? A. His lips move

Anonymous
in Music

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

Anonymous

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect it's balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

This all seems to make sense to the man but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

Technorphan
in Orphan

A person told an orphan to not move otherwise they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do? It danced it's a$$ off