Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
(First Person) :Knock Knock, Who there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, Knock Knock, who there, time to make a move, slayin all then demons and we gotta move in too. (Second Person): Knock Knock, (1st p): who there, let me talk to you, be careful where you stepin out cause you aint bullet proof, Knock Knock, who there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didnt come to hoop.
Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out everything moves backwards
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow moving business.
What’s Stephan hawking favourite dance move ?
The robot
Dad- Son do you want to play roc’ ‘‘em soc robots?
Son- sure, let me get it from the closet
Dad- No, bring your sisters, just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
ur mom is so fat that when god said " let there be light, " he asked you to move out the way
An Orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday, i said "Don't you have a family?"
A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says "that is mother teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" Ask's the man. Jesus answers "it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
what is the best power that man can do? they can move the mountain with their tongue.
I moved all the bibles to the fiction section because there is no god as said Stephen Hawking in 2011 but in 2018 god said there was no Stephen Hawking
How am I an ableist? My ex girlfriend was in a wheelchair and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to 8th floor.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me
🎶Rock a bye baby on the tree Top, when the wind blows the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, not moving a muscle not making a sound.🎶
What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast? A Slow-poke.
One time their was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track a girl said excuse me can you move please I’m trying than the man stopped her sentence and said how is your t shirt so clean than she said back easy hung it up
My hips cant move but heineken.
