Move

Move jokes

Clock

    • A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.

    The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.

  • 3

    • Lighthouse

    • The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:

    "Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."

    The commander starts answering:

    "No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"

    "Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"

    "Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"

    After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:

    "In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"

  • 0

    • Orphan

    • A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

    It danced its a** off.

    Shooter

    • (First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.

    (Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.

  • 7

    • Kid

    • Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

    But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

  • 1
    • Move memes

    Son

    • Mom: Son, did you go to school?

    Son: What if I said yes?

    Mom: You are in school! *slap*

    Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

    Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

    Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

    Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

    Son: Good.

    Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

    If you like it, please commit down.

    Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where’s Trump’s clock?"

    "Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

  • 0

    • Dick

    • Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

    So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

  • 3

    • Baby

    • "Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

    Friendship

    • In the realm of Danny, Ben, and Paxton, A trio of souls intertwined, Their stories woven with grace and might, A tale of friendship, ethereal and fine.

    Danny, the dreamer with stars in his eyes, Chasing visions that danced in his mind, With every thought, a world he'd create, A poet, an artist, one of a kind.

    Ben Power, the steadfast, a force to behold, With strength that could move mountains high, His heart, a fortress, unyielding and bold, A protector, a guardian, forever nigh.

    Paxton, the wanderer, a spirit untamed, Roaming free wherever the wind blew, In every step, a new adventure claimed, A seeker, a nomad, forever anew.

    Together they stood, a harmonic blend, Different paths converging as one, In the depths of their bond, a love unfurled, A symphony played, forever sung.

    Through trials and triumphs, they faced the storm, Hand in hand, against the tempest's might, With laughter, tears, and hearts so warm, They shared the darkness, embracing the light.

    Oh, Danny, Ben, and Paxton, forever bound, Through the pages of life, your stories unfold, In the tapestry of friendships profound, Your spirits, like poetry, forever bold.

  • 1

    • Fridge

    • 20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.

    Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)

    3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.

    How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)

    Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

    Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.