When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?
It danced its a** off.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. đ [rickrolled]
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some MONEY MOVES.
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
How fast does 173 move?
Breakneck speeds!
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite dance move? The worm.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresaâs clock; the clock hasnât moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincolnâs clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Whereâs Trumpâs clock?"
"Oh, weâre using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause itâs so true.
