Mortality jokes
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
What starts with M and ends with carriage?
This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.
What’s the difference between a living and dead person? I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.