Mortality jokes
What falls first, the emo or the leaf? The leaf. The emo was hanging.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."