Mortality jokes
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.
Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when kids get it.