-->[]life death[]<--
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Why did Technoblade die?
He couldn't respawn in real life!
Theres something special about cemeteries People are dying to get inside
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
