Mortality jokes

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

Why did Joey drop his ice cream?

He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)

My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

Bam, a gunshot!

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"But I'm not dead yet!"

"But we're not there yet."

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

What's the grossest thing ever?

A bag of dead babies.

What's even more gross?

The bottom one is still wriggling!

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."