Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
I'm dying... sike, I lied. You thought I died!
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
Once there was an old lady...
Congratulations, stop bragging!
🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"
"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."
Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?
It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.
