Morbidity jokes
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
I'm so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
A morbid joke would be what's going on in my mind.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
Grandma: Young people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!