Morbidity jokes
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
I’m probably the episode 9 since I make people cry.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
What did Superman say to Batman?
Nothing, Bruce is dead.
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Your reflection.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
Why did the child drop their ice cream?
They got hit by a bus.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)