Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Morbidity Jokes
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Small People.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
What’s green, fuzzy, and falls out of a tree? A pool table.
Actually doing homework.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...
