Morbidity jokes
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Small People.
/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke
/playsound pained_laugh
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Digging stuff up is too hard.
I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.
Science flies you to the moon.
Religion flies you into towers.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
What’s green, fuzzy, and falls out of a tree? A pool table.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
Actually doing homework.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.