Morbid jokes
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
Rowan
Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
Jupiter
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"