Morbid jokes

Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?

There's ate of them.

Deez nuts!

GOT EEMMMMMMMM!

Little Johnny meets Big Suzy.

Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together.

Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day.

The end.

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Penis enters my dad and sister.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

My chance of finding love.

What sayd the man to the woman??

Go to the kitchen lol.

Me: 911, I just killed someone.

Cops: Cool, we will not come.

Me: Why?

Cops: Don't admit a crime.

Phones: *Bang Bang*

Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.