Morbid jokes
You're dead inside.
(Stabs him 23 times)
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
Borthwick's hairline.
What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?
Acne comes on your face when you're 13.
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.
He really shook things up today.
"Nihha scarborough face."
Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
Penis.
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.