Morbid jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"

Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."

Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."

Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.

"Peppa's ribs."

How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.

What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?

Dead chicken and dead cow.

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

I tell short people to reach for the stars.

They are always a bit short of reach.

Bully: Ur Gay.

Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.

Bully: *runs away and hears crash*

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

What is something that smells yuck? 🤮

Old bus seats.

Why did LazarBeam kiss a man?

Because he couldn't kiss Fresh; he was already gay.

I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten!