Morbid jokes
What sayd the man to the woman??
Go to the kitchen lol.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.
I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Anal sex is for A**holes.
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
"That's not my name, but okay, that's cool. My name is Coco, but okay, and I already knew Jayden was a boy who is bi."
Two baby seals walk into a club.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.
Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.
The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.
The person I hate: Rood.
Me: Shut up.