Morbid jokes
Like if you like school (I mean if you don't)!
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.