Morbid jokes
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Want to hear a joke?
Fortnite.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?
My boner.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.