Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
What's pink and fluffy, pink fluff What's pink and rusty, Madeline McCann's bike
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there. Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
*An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can't reach it so she calls her son for help* *a few minutes later* son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- *slips and noose chokes her to death*
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats. How many are hungry?
A.10
So 2 kids argued and insulted each other...
KID 1: Your dad left because he didn't want you so why don't you kill yourself?
KID 2: Well your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you.
Ill never forget my mother last words. What's are doing with that sledge hammer
a student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick and the guy was about to nut. the school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Q:what's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth A:her dead fetus
I know this isnt the real chicken wing song but my version...
chicken wing chicken wing i want your mommy slap her with my hary salami while she still yawning.
making your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book. Man 2: aww books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore. Man 1: She was in the road and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore
How do you get a baby into a small bowl? A blender. How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common? There's brains all over the place
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
What is yellow and does not float well?
A School Bus
What does santa say about my mom? HO HO HO
What's the worse thing about having a congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
