Morbid jokes
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.