Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Men

    • Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

    "We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

    "Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

    The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

    The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

  • 3

    • Kid

    • To all the children on this website, hello!!!!! Hey!!!! How is life treating you?

    (BTW I'm a kid, too. I'm Hayley, and I'm turning 13. My B-day is 10/08/2008.)

    Apple

    • Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

    Friend: "I don't know."

    Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

  • 1

    • Penguin

    • What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

    What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

  • 2

    • Funeral

    • I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

    And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

    And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

  • 1

    • Kid

    • When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

    Bing, bang, boom!

  • 1

    • Blonde

    • What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

    Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

  • 5

    • Hitler

    • what's the difference between hitler and you?

    one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

  • 8

    • Strip club

    • A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

  • 4