Morbid jokes
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A thalidomide baby.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.
American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.
African XP farms: Cotton field.
Kids?
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
Q: Why was 10 afraid?
A: Because he was always between 9/11.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.