Morbid jokes

What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?

They both make vegetables.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.

The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

Why did Santa stop at three ho's?

Ms. Claus caught him.

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

What has hands but can’t clap?

A thalidomide baby.

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

Kids?

Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys.

American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun.

African XP farms: Cotton field.

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*

Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.