Morbid jokes
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?
Naked and Afraid.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Lol, these jokes have been heard millions of times.
Me.
The joke is me.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.