Morbid jokes
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?
Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.