Yo mamma’s so fat she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen… I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died grandma”

Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds

There are 20 8 year olds

Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.

when u think Ur moms a virgin then u stumble into the wrong closet

I like my girlfriends like my children dead

The bakery where I work is being robbed I said to the people I am calling the police then I realized they did not come for the money they came for the bread. Huh go figure.

my mom said to go do the dishes but she did them before me so i killed myself

aunt: on internet buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars neice: i found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch its 3 dollars to watch aunt: im not paying for that shit neice: yet u sit there and buy weight loss pills

Guy 1: Whats your favorite vegetable Guy 2: Stefen Hawking

Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday…

What’s the difference between hitler and logan paul? At least hitler had respect for the japanese!

So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.

What’s the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never grow old.


How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw the babie

Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester

Daniel takes his frustrations out on shaenaya and his sexual frustrations out on arunima

Guy walks up to me and says, “I wonder if the hookman is real” I reply saying, yea it’s Asa Hutchinson, lol

I was at my boyfriends house and I thought he was cheating on me and he was on the phone with somebody he said he’d be over there soon. so i asked him if I could see his phone he said no and then we fought about until I seen his gun and because I thought he was lying to me I shot him,went through his phone and his friend was still on the phone.