Morbid jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.

What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?

Free delivery XD

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

Three Nazis walk into a bar.

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got genital warts, Soon you will, too!

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

What does it take to paint a wall red?

Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.

What does the Bible stand for?

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"