Morbid jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.