Morbid jokes
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.