Morbid jokes
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.
But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...