Morbid jokes
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What are American schools?
Shooting ranges.
Joe Biden said he was going to a petting zoo.
Trump said schools are not petting zoos.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
I'm in school shooting. #USA
Ammon died.
I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
She will let it go!! 😂🤣
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.