Morbid jokes
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.
What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...
We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.
I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.
But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
Jokers are all about the delivery.
Except abortion jokes...