Morbid jokes
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
I'm a lady, so I'm a man.
Hey Gwen.
What was Hitler's lucky number?
Nein.
I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
What if little Johnny was doing drugs?
"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa..."
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.