Morbid jokes
What was Hitler's lucky number?
Nein.
I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
What if little Johnny was doing drugs?
"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa..."
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.