Morbid jokes

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?

"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"

Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol

👌neck

Your mum!

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.

Want to hear a joke?

Ohio State football.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.

What do you call a bum person with a brain?

A hillbilly.

What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?

One baby stapled to five trees.

What is the difference between a whore and an onion?

You don't cry when you chop a whore.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.