Morbid jokes
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol
👌neck
Your mum!
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
Want to hear a joke?
Ohio State football.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.