Morbid jokes
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
Want to hear a joke?
Ohio State football.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.
What do you call a bum person with a brain?
A hillbilly.
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?
Plane pizza.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.