Morbid jokes
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
Why did the kid named Jeff become gay? Because he grew up without a father figure. Hahaha, I love dark humor!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
Cleveland Browns
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That's the best I've done so far.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.