Morbid jokes
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.