Morbid jokes
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Ur dad is mad.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?
Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.