Morbid jokes
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the “utter” side.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
My d*ck is hard, what's your name?