Morbid Jokes

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.

No, seriously,

I'm right behind ya.

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

Three Nazis walk into a bar.

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?

It's only got 10 hours to live.

What do you call a three-humped camel?

Pregnant.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.

What game hurts you the more stages you survive?

Cancer.

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.