Morbid jokes
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the “utter” side.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
My d*ck is hard, what's your name?
My dick is hard, what's your name?
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
YEET YEET YEET YEET YEEET EYYYETETETYETEYETYETTEYTEYTEY EYYEYETYETYETYETYETYETEYEYEYEYEYTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
How many YEETS are there?
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.